Focus

The word “Focus” has been an important word in my life recently and has been something God has been teaching me a lot about.

To start off, I have Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. So, in a very literal sense, I have an extreme inability to focus. My story with ADHD is a doozy. For most of my life, I was on a medication to help me focus in school. However about a year and a half ago, through a series of somewhat frightening medical events, I was taken off of medication abruptly and left to fend for myself. Learning to adjust to my raw, authentic ADHD was quite a journey. A hard journey full of a few ups and lots of downs. Between major withdrawals, and lots of breakdowns, I was left just completely disappointed in myself. Disappointed that I couldn’t learn like the other students around me. So, I am no longer able to sit through an entire class period without having to stand up at least once. I fidget so much I’ve had people switch seats so they could sit somewhere, anywhere, away from my constant movements.

I wanted my ability to focus back. In all senses of the word. My thoughts about focusing started in the classroom. I longed to be able to listen to everything a professor has to say. It puzzled me how someone could sit still for an entire lecture, with only their hands moving as it writes down notes. (That one I still don’t get though. How can people sit so still?! I may never know…) I wanted to know what it was like to be able to think about one thing with my full attention and wondered if I would be more successful if I could just think in a linear way if I just was normal.

So I began to pray each morning, “Lord, help me to focus.” Although I intended it simply for my ability to focus in college and lecture-like scenarios, that prayer took on a deeper meaning for me. I began to think about keeping my life focused in the direction God intends it to go. Part of that direction, for me, includes embracing my ADHD and allowing it to grow me.

Then, a few weeks ago, I was asked to speak to the 4th and 5th graders at my church on the story of Jesus and Peter walking on water in a huge storm. This miracle takes place in Matthew 15:25-33.

Jesus had just fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish. Then Jesus sent his disciples to go to their boat and go on ahead of him so he could find a quiet space to pray to God.

This part was really important. It’s short and simple, but very crucial to realize how even Jesus withdrew from the crows so he could be alone with God and he could turn his complete focus to his Father.

Meanwhile, the disciples were in the boat, in the middle of a huge storm. The waves were crashing, the winds were blowing them around. The boat was rocking back and forth, tossing and turning. Then, the disciples saw a figure walking toward them across the water. Thinking it was a ghost, they were terrified. But Jesus said to them, “Take courage. It is I. Do not be afraid.”

Peter, one of the scared disciples, asks Jesus that if it truly is him, the son of God, to ask him to walk on the water too.

Jesus responds, “Come”.

In the waves and in the winds, Peter steps out of the boat and steps onto the water. Looking right at Jesus, he takes a step. Then, he takes another step. He is walking on the water just as if it were dry land! His whole focus is on Jesus.

But then Peter remembers the storm that is raging around him. He looks down and he sees the huge winds that could knock him over, and he sees the huge waves that could crash over him, and drown him. He begins to be afraid. He shifts his focus to the storm. And the minute he does, he begins to sink. The moment he thinks about the storm is the moment it begins to affect him, and have power over him.

When he begins to sink, Peter cries out to Jesus, “Save me Lord! Save me!”

Jesus reaches out his hand, catches Peter and asks him, “You of little faith, why do you doubt me?”

They step back onto the boat, and immediately the storm ceases and all is still again. The disciples in the boat, who witnessed this miracle, shout praises proclaiming that “truly this man is the son of God!”

What I found interesting in this story though, was how Peter’s focus effected what had power in his life.

When Peter first walked on the water, his eyes were locked with Jesus. His entire attention was on Jesus alone. In that moment, Jesus had power over what happened with Peter. He allowed him to walk on water, an action physically impossible without a miracle of God.

But as soon as Peter looks down, as soon as Peter looked at the storm raging around him, he began to sink. The waves began to crash over him. The winds knocked him over. The storm began to have power over him.

Life is full of distractions. There are so many things that demand our attention throughout the day and throughout our lives. It’s important to make sure that in the midst of these things, we are still focusing on Jesus.

So when I have been praying for focus, quite literally, I have been praying for my ability to pay attention in important scenarios.

But what I’ve been really wrestling with recently, is the question of is my whole life focused on God? When I make decisions, am I making them for my benefit, or making sure I’m thinking directly about what God wants for me? Am I making God a priority in my day and am I spending time in His word, so I can find focus in Him.

Only when we turn our attention to the things that might knock us down, do we give them the power for them to break us. But if we turn out focus and our attention to God, we cannot be knocked down by anything of this world! With our eyes locked on Him, We Cannot Be Shaken!